OH MY GOSH!

Man, Tomorrow is the staring of my spring break! Yes!! One week though. Ewww. Well, I'm glad because I can get away and rest from all the sh*t @ Merit. Ms. Stokes is gone :( I am truly going to miss her. She was my favorite out of three staff members lol. She is going to do another student teacher assignment. But I will keeping touch with her by e-mailing and seeing how her new job is going. Man, I'm so over Kirk. I really am. No, maybe a little bit. Friday was definitely a drama day. Even though it was supposed to be Ms. Stokes's goodbye day. Shae wanted to put me in the middle of her drama with Kirk. I don't know how my name got in the middle of their argument, but she better not mess with me. I'll f*ck her up, no doubt. If she tries to get in my face, there is going to be some trouble.
And since Ms. Stokes is going to be gone now, I'm not sure if I will have any support on my side. I'm not scared of her, but I'm scared of hurting her. lol. I don't know, I was going to beat her ass that day (cause she was talking mad sh*t), but I was able to not sink down to her level. I ignored her and kept my distance. I'm through with her completely. B*tch, she ruined my WHOLE Friday!

Anyways, that's really it. Nothing @ home has been exciting except I'm doing a genealogy thingy on my grandparents and great-grandparents. I have to get it all together, but I am going to do it soon. I'm excited!

-A.P.

Not feeling like myself....

I'm defitnely not feeling like myself...I feel like a whole different person....

I don't know, but for the past 2 weeks I have been on the edge. I mean, I'm sad, irratable, just moody. And I just want to cry all the freaking' time! I mean, I'm just depressed. I've been having panic attacks, I feel numb all the time. I can't sleep (well I never really been able to sleep haha). though, before, I was doing good on staying happy and jolly for a good while. But now, I'm not sure what happen to me....

It's hard. I really, truly have no one to talk to. It seems that nobody wants to listen to me. Everyone's busy, busy. My family is unreliable. They don't care. If I'm helping them in a way first, then they care, for a bit. That hurts. In my family, we don't talk about feelings. Well, I'm the only one who wants too. There are too many family secrets and grudges towards one another that we can't even have a decent family gathering during the Holidays. That's sad. I hate that, I really do.

At school, my teacher is leaving on the 27th. I'm going to miss her. We already ahve a new teacher picked out. She's actually the "teacher" but she doesn't necessarily teach. Makes sense? She is EVIL!

My guy crush is distancing himself from me. We aren't friends like we used to be, since S started to use him against me. I can't talk to him like before. He is always with S.

The ONLY person I can really talk to is my BF, Danielle. She's awesome.
Well, nothing has been really happening.

Bye, I'm going to drown myself in sorrow :(

-A.P.

Youtube Page:
youtube.com/rihannafentyfan4life
I have some great videos on my channel that help me through stuff I'm going through...to an extent.

Imeem Page:
http://www.imeem.com/people/hjNYfbg/
Made some playlists that get me in a relaxing mood, to an extent.

Myspace Page:
myspace.com/bookwormautumn

Twitter Page:
twitter.com/bookwormautumn
Just cause...

(I'm not a fan anymore of Rihanna, to let you know.)

Once again, NOTHING!

Not much to report about. I've been very sick with that "new flu" they been talking about and it has been kicking my butt! It sure has me exhausted! I've been able to move around and get outside (not a good thing, because it's VERY cold outside, and plus it was snowing this weekend, HARD), but I can't stand very long or move around for a long period of time. I feel dizzy, nauseous, etc...I haven't been going to school. I've been at home, sick and bored. I've been watching old episodes of Family Guy on DVD to music. That's it. Oh, and bothering the heck out of my mom. lol. I've been flirting with Kirk a bit and I'm starting to think he is catching on. Well, I think. He is super adorable and I can't stop thinking about him. UGH!

Yeah...

-A.P.

Old stuff coming up...same mess with S....

HUH?? What do you mean A?

I mean this...I'm starting this new medication they put me on for anxiety, a stimulant. I have to take it everyday. It's supposed to help with not only anxiety but to help me focus as well. I have no tolerance for medication, but I gave in and decided to try this one. First of all, I HATE medication!! I truly, truly do. It's not for me. I know it's suppose to help with pain and etc..make ya feel better, but It's not for me. I've been having panic attacks since I've been taking this medication. I started on a Monday. Panic attack. Tuesday. @ school, panic attack. TODAY? PANIC ATTACK!! 8 OR 9 panic attacks TODAY!! UGH F***ing NO MORE!! Nope! I don't even care man, just let me act out when I start to feel like someone is invading my personal space or noise is just scaring my heart out of my chest! Nope. I don't like feeling like this, matter of fact, who freaking does??

Anyways, beside that, S is on the SAME s*** from last week. "She still not talking to you?" Nope, and I don't care. "You ain't going to confront her?" Nope, It's not that deep to me. "You ain't going to make up?" Not anytime soon, at least not in her book. "You ain't going to kiss her a** and be reasonable?" HELL NAW! I'm ALWAYS the reasonable one, the mature one. I've been the bigger person all my life. Why can't I be somewhat "selfish" for once in my life? Is that much to ask? Nope.

Look, I don't have a problem with S. I don't. I consider(ed) her a friend. I really did. Now, I'm just saying that...

But if she going to continue like this, I'm going to let her. I don't give a f***. Really. She can play the silent treatment and shit. Ignore me. Give me dirty looks. Talk mess behind my back. I DON'T GIVE A F***!!

But, let her get in my face and act a fool...TRUST ME....

She WILL get embarrassed..REALLY.

A.P.