Hahaha, I got that from Madea Goes to Jail, the play.
I mean, this man.....he's becoming a permanent. I'm letting it bother me because THIS MAN is trying to become my father. MY FATHER! Wow...........
I mean, Negro, excuse me, YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
He's knows NOTHING about me, only things my mom has told him, 'cause she runs her mouth too much.
This negro asks me where i'm going and who my friends are. When I'm trying to talk to my mom, here he come...trying to be in the convo. Heck no!
He's a major Jackass with a capital J. He's many more things, but I'm not going to get into it.
Ugh, I'm going to stay with my aunt for a little bit. I can't deal with all of this anymore. If she wants to put a man over her kids, fine. I'm not going to fight or convince her. That's a waste of time.
-A.P.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Ok....
I'm calm.
I'm calm.
I'm breathing.
It's just hard when someone is working on your nerves and they know they are, but they keep doing it anyways. That's crazy.
Why do people do that? This person must want me to blow up on them. I don't want to, but i may have to. I really want this person to leave, just GO HOME. PHONE HOME!! lol, but i'm serious.
Oh well, there is nothing I can do. My mom is just desperate, i'm sorry. She is letting this man get to me and no even sayin anything, just gigglin. Ok, that's ok. Because I'm done with her. She's nothing to me. It's obvious she doesn't caring about my feelings. Ok.
I'm calm.
I'm breathing.
It's just hard when someone is working on your nerves and they know they are, but they keep doing it anyways. That's crazy.
Why do people do that? This person must want me to blow up on them. I don't want to, but i may have to. I really want this person to leave, just GO HOME. PHONE HOME!! lol, but i'm serious.
Oh well, there is nothing I can do. My mom is just desperate, i'm sorry. She is letting this man get to me and no even sayin anything, just gigglin. Ok, that's ok. Because I'm done with her. She's nothing to me. It's obvious she doesn't caring about my feelings. Ok.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Always getting put down...
Why do I always feel shut out on everything? Like, I can't voice my opinions and things. I can't speak my mind. It hurts. I hurt inside. It's not my depression, it's not my paranoia. It's real. It's inside of me that hurts every single day. When I get shut down by people around me, it hurts, but for only a little while. But when it comes to family, it's hurts for a long, long while. I tend to go back and think about what I did wrong. What so wrong about me? Why do people not like me? Why can't people just accept me? Why don't people give me a chance? Why do they always blame my feelings on my depression 0r anxiety or paranoia?
I feel trapped in a bubble.
I don't feel loved. I feel lonely
It hurts really bad. My heart aches from the morning i wake up, till i go to sleep.
My mom just treats me wrong. It's to the point now that I just start crying thinking about every little thing she says about me. I cry when she's even saying these horrible things about me!
She meets a guy.
They hang out, no problem.
He meets some family members (side note: I don't like this guy AT ALL)
He COMES to OUR house.
He sleeps in my mom's bed.
She lies to me, saying he's going to leave.
I feel uncomfortable.
She knows how I feel about men. I don't trust them. I can't deal with them. I'll eventually start to date again, but now, NO.
I just feel terrible every time I speak. I feel like I say the wrong thing every time. I just stay quiet now, because I'm afraid of saying something stupid.
Today, I found myself crying out for my father. Someone who I haven't seen in a long, long time.
I look at his picture and I cry. I cry crocodile tears. For 30 minutes. Probably more.
I also found myself writing him a note, a note that I will probably never give to him. Those words i wrote were my sincere feelings.
I need him, not another man. Not a step dad. But him, my dad. My brother can have his own little step dad, but i want my dad.
I just miss him so much.
I miss everything about him.
I hardly remember memories when we were in happier times, since i was little. But, he was a gorgeous man. I can only imagine what he looks like now.
I hope to see him soon, because I can't call him and not see him face to face. It's too heartbreaking now.
-A.P.
I feel trapped in a bubble.
I don't feel loved. I feel lonely
It hurts really bad. My heart aches from the morning i wake up, till i go to sleep.
My mom just treats me wrong. It's to the point now that I just start crying thinking about every little thing she says about me. I cry when she's even saying these horrible things about me!
She meets a guy.
They hang out, no problem.
He meets some family members (side note: I don't like this guy AT ALL)
He COMES to OUR house.
He sleeps in my mom's bed.
She lies to me, saying he's going to leave.
I feel uncomfortable.
She knows how I feel about men. I don't trust them. I can't deal with them. I'll eventually start to date again, but now, NO.
I just feel terrible every time I speak. I feel like I say the wrong thing every time. I just stay quiet now, because I'm afraid of saying something stupid.
Today, I found myself crying out for my father. Someone who I haven't seen in a long, long time.
I look at his picture and I cry. I cry crocodile tears. For 30 minutes. Probably more.
I also found myself writing him a note, a note that I will probably never give to him. Those words i wrote were my sincere feelings.
I need him, not another man. Not a step dad. But him, my dad. My brother can have his own little step dad, but i want my dad.
I just miss him so much.
I miss everything about him.
I hardly remember memories when we were in happier times, since i was little. But, he was a gorgeous man. I can only imagine what he looks like now.
I hope to see him soon, because I can't call him and not see him face to face. It's too heartbreaking now.
-A.P.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Oh Sucky, sucky now...
My life has been yucky.
I have trouble at school, at home, all around me.
Now, I'm not the type of person to deal with conflict or trouble very well. I tend to at least try to avoid it. My mom says I'm a weakling. Eh, I kind of believe that. I'm a peacemaker, not a troublemaker. I don't like trouble. People talking about me, people gettin' in my face, people spreading lies about me. I don't like that! I mean, I'm cool with everyone. I mean, i give respect to everyone, even when i don't receive it. i don't hold on to what they say or whatever they case may be, and just think about what I did wrong or whatever! But it affects me when people start to threaten me or trying to ruin friendships or relationships I have with other people. I tend to have a positive affect on people. (no meaning to brag lol). But I have people who just latch on to me and see me as a positive influence or a good friend or someone they can help be better with themselves. Does this make sense? I hope so, cause I am just rambling.
Anyways, problems at school have been holding me back. The aura and the atmosphere is just all wrong and I can't work or be in a situation like that. If i feel it's not right, then it's not right. These people who are suppose to be helping me, aren't doing their jobs and it starting to really piss me off. I feel everyday, like wanting to snap someone's head off their body. Or cursing someone out. And that's not me. I'm usually chipper, nice, friendly. Nowadays, I got an attitude, I'm wanting to stay in the house and listen to jazz or sad music period. That's my rant.
-A.P.
I have trouble at school, at home, all around me.
Now, I'm not the type of person to deal with conflict or trouble very well. I tend to at least try to avoid it. My mom says I'm a weakling. Eh, I kind of believe that. I'm a peacemaker, not a troublemaker. I don't like trouble. People talking about me, people gettin' in my face, people spreading lies about me. I don't like that! I mean, I'm cool with everyone. I mean, i give respect to everyone, even when i don't receive it. i don't hold on to what they say or whatever they case may be, and just think about what I did wrong or whatever! But it affects me when people start to threaten me or trying to ruin friendships or relationships I have with other people. I tend to have a positive affect on people. (no meaning to brag lol). But I have people who just latch on to me and see me as a positive influence or a good friend or someone they can help be better with themselves. Does this make sense? I hope so, cause I am just rambling.
Anyways, problems at school have been holding me back. The aura and the atmosphere is just all wrong and I can't work or be in a situation like that. If i feel it's not right, then it's not right. These people who are suppose to be helping me, aren't doing their jobs and it starting to really piss me off. I feel everyday, like wanting to snap someone's head off their body. Or cursing someone out. And that's not me. I'm usually chipper, nice, friendly. Nowadays, I got an attitude, I'm wanting to stay in the house and listen to jazz or sad music period. That's my rant.
-A.P.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Time...Oh My!
Hey,
Time just goes by fast! I just finished a post on here and now it's May! Oh gosh. I found a new mattress set! Woo! I'm so happy, long time coming. I hope this new bed lives up to my expectations lol. I really needed a new bed. I went to Ikea, found some stuff for my room there. Got new pillows. Getting carpets cleaned. It's like I'm getting a room makeover. At school, same stupid stuff. Can't wait till we get out and it's Summer. Not sure what I'm gonna do in Summer, but I don't want to be bored I know that. I might sign up for some activities. Anyways, not much is going on. driving school sucks, almost done though. But that's it for now!
-A.P.
Time just goes by fast! I just finished a post on here and now it's May! Oh gosh. I found a new mattress set! Woo! I'm so happy, long time coming. I hope this new bed lives up to my expectations lol. I really needed a new bed. I went to Ikea, found some stuff for my room there. Got new pillows. Getting carpets cleaned. It's like I'm getting a room makeover. At school, same stupid stuff. Can't wait till we get out and it's Summer. Not sure what I'm gonna do in Summer, but I don't want to be bored I know that. I might sign up for some activities. Anyways, not much is going on. driving school sucks, almost done though. But that's it for now!
-A.P.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
