Starting a new school! :)

Hello,

It's been a while. Not much has been happening but I still have some things to talk about. I started my new school today. It's not really a school, more like a educational program. It's like a full-size trailer in front of a middle school. My classroom is about wee big. Not many students. Okay, it's for students with personal and behavioral problems. I go there for my personal. I have no behavioral. Anyways, today was the first day. It was alright. Not much. I made some friends. Seen some fights break out. Very interesting day. Now here is the schedule: I only have 2 classes: math and language arts. Then we have a break, then we have reading group. We have lunch. That's it, I go home early, like 11:00am. lol very simple. I'm happy about it...for now. I don't know. every school I have tried, doesn't work out for me. I don't have anymore options left, so I have to make this work. My anxiety and depression just gets the best of me and makes me not want to do things that normal teenage kids do. Like, for example: I don't get out often, It's hard for me to wake up in the morning, I don't have many friends, I don't like hanging in big groups of people. So many things are hard for me to do. Then my mom puts pressure on me to try and I just can't seem to do that. :( I definitely know I'm not the only one, but when you are stuck in a situation like this, you tend to feel that way. I sure do.
My family doesn't know about my depression and anxiety. I just can't seem to trust them enough for them to show support, because I feel they wouldn't seem to understand. But when I start to lash out on them, they want to know what's the matter.
I mean, my cousin has depression, but she's not taking the steps I am toward bettering it and overcoming it.
I know I want to get better, but it is so hard.




A.P.

Nothing Much....

Hello my people,

Wow. Only 1 day until President-elect Barack Obama will become..you guessed it..PRESIDENT!! :) I'm excited!! And I just can't hide it!! I'm taping and capturing everything that represents hope and Obama. I mean, this is some major stuff going on. And that is all I have to say. Nothing much in my life going on except that my mother and aunt are feuding over a big screen TV. Not my problem though. I spent half my life worrying about someone else's. I'm not doing that anymore. I have my own problems. And if I ever catch myself doing that, worrying about someone else, I slap myself. Not hard, but just enough. So...I'm really just super excited for the inauguration I got both TV's in this house on lock! lol, my little bro is not happy about that (he could care less about the world, he thinks Batman and Ben 10 all day). I wish I could be like that. lol. My aunt is still in Hawaii and her b-day is today. Called her and said "happy b-day!". She said "thanks". Like, she sounded sad. Upset. Like she was about to cry. I was shocked. Really. Usually, she sounds happy (in a good mood), or irritated (not just to me, but everyone). I don't even know why I'm shocked about that since she told me a while back that she is miserable down there. Oh well, I kept that conversation short as hell. I was not about to be cursed at because she would have got the same treatment. Really.

-A.P.

I'm back! :)

Helllo...

It's been a full week! My teeth are much better. I healed up pretty quick. I'm so thankful for that. I had my b-day dinner on Saturday. My grandma and cousin came to celebrate with me. We went to Red Lobster. I ordered some gumbo and crab, the bomb! :) The best. And some of those rich ass biscuits lol. Sunday I didn't do anything, for I didn't go to church. My dad also called me on Saturday, not on my b-day. He pissed me off to the max. lol. He was talking straight shit and lies (sorry for my language). I didn't listen to a damn word he was talking about.

He is so brainwashed by this woman, who is threatened by his own goddamn kids. It's very sad to hear. But like my Grandma says, pray for him and feel sorry because what can I do at this point right now? Not a dang thing.
Well, this is a quick check-in. I've been spending my time with my Nintendo DS, finally. lol.

Talk later,
A.P.

Late Christmas With Chance..He's finally home!

2posts in one day...yay! lol

Hey, again:

My brother is home!!! Yay! I'm soo happy (shocker). He is back from his 2-week, 1-day vacation from my mother and I. He was over his dad's house as I mentioned before. The only reason why I am doing two posts in one day is because I get surgery tomorrow (four wisdoms
being tooken out). And I probably won't have time to post a story or whatever :(

Edit: Dang, I lost the second part of this post. lol. I'll try to remember what I said. But here are more pics..enjoy until I heal:

"What about me?"

It's snowing...again!
No, real talk:
I've been asking my mother that question for about a week now. My little brother Chance (he's four, from another father), has been spending time with his father since December 22nd. Now, here's a side note: My father doesn't live here in Seattle, WA (not anymore). My father hasn't been in my life for a while now, due to a controlling girlfriend (more about that thing later). He doesn't accept my phone calls, doesn't come back up here to see me, doesn't write me knowing DANG well he has my address! He's like her little puppy. But Anyways, my brother's father is in the same predicament as my father:controlling girlfriend. But she has decided to let my brother stay with them..finally. After ALL of those 3 years he didn't come see him..what a dang shame. Normally, I wouldn't give a shtuck what my brother would be up to and what he was doing (I do care, but only when I'm babysitting). Another side note: His dad was totally verbally abusive to my mom...right here :
Just took these today. Beautiful. Although I wasn't a victim to it, I was still a victim. Feel me? He got my mom caught up in drugs. I didn't witness them doing in front of me (my mom is now 3years sober), I definitely knew they were doing it. Maybe I do know a bit much, too much for my own good. But at least I'm aware of my surroundings and what is happening around me. Basically, what I'm trying say is...both of our fathers are cowards..stinking, dumb cowards. I don't hate them, but I don't like them. I dread to say that, but it's true. Well, my mom is a HUGE advocate for my brother (as she should), but....what about me? I mean, I don't understand. Is it time to advocate more for myself (which I have been doing) or what? What?

I dread the holidays now. It used to not bother me as much, back in the day. But now, I just miss my father. I miss my older siblings. And whenever there is a family gathering, I just know there is going to be an argument or someone going to jail.
I cried this year. No argument. No one got arrested. Wow. Oh my stars!
I got cool presents (as I always do)

The only reason why I miss my dad is because he doesn't even frekkin' call me! He has my number. WHY won't he use it? Only he can answer that. I hate being in this situation where I have to make the first move. I'm always am the first to call and wish him "happy b-day" or "merry christmas" or "happy new year!". It frekkin' sucks because I know he doesn't appreciate it. Our conversations are what...3 minutes long..EACH??!! Ugh, man. When my mom was in the relationship with my bro's dad, he did her dirty. I mean, REAL dirty. He's an A-hole. But they broke up in 2006. They messed around (I caught them, HORRIBLE SIGHT, lol). But she always call him and says "when you going to come see your son?" Why aren't you man enough to come see your son?". "What is stopping you to see your son?"..knowing dang well why he doesn't come see him. I hear those questions everyday. No lie, no making this up. But the question remains for me..."what about me?" Why can't you advocate like that for me? When I ask her to talk some sense into my dad, she says, "why don't you do it?". I HAVE!! What in the frekkin world?? Did she just ask me that?? Oh my. What should I do?..

Sincerely,
A.P.

P.S. Don't mind the photography skills. Still learning

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Hey,

It's a new year! and a new day! I celebrated with my mother and cat, Tinker (short for Tinker bell) I'm so excited that it is 2009! We are so close the Inauguration cermony for our fine President (can I say that?) Barack Obama. :) I've have nothing but positive thoughts on about how he would change this world to make it better. I've been supportive of him from the start. Another subject, I'm turning 15!! On a Sunday (in Seattle, probably different for some people lol) so I do not know what I'm going to do! My family is so busy (sarcasm) that they say that they could not attend my dinner party I was thinking of having. Bummer, NOT! I really don't give a shtuck if they didn't come..Oh well, I celebrate with Tinker....

Bye,
A.P