I'm lost....

It's been a while....

But during this time that I've been away from this blog, it's been hard. My depression has just got deeper, if that makes any sense. I mean, I can't get out of it. It doesn't matter what I do, something or someone triggers my feelings and I start feeling down. This guy (from the previous posts) has been here still, and I'm starting to run out of options on what to do. I'm not patient, and he's making me even more angrier. The three of us (mom, him, and I) sat down, and talked about him moving in our home. I said hell no! No way. The way she presented him to me had a BIG part of the way I think of him, but that's not the only reason why I don't like him:

1) He's annoying
2) He's demanding (I don't care if that's a part in a man's demenor)
3)I don't like the way he talks to me nor my mom
4) He's ignorant
5) He's a fake, phony person

More reasons, but it's a waste of time. I'm tired of my mom. I'm tired of holding this in. No one I talked to about this seems to either not get it (they think I'm overreacting, or don't want to seem to help. Now my uncle, he's concerned, but his way of confronting people result in him going to jail, which I totally don't want.

My mom knows I do not this guy. it seems like every guy she meets, is below her standards. It's like I have to break down and throw a fit, then she asks me, "what's your problem? What do you think about this guy?" ARE YOU SERIOUS? You NOW ASK ME THAT? She lets this Negro DRIVE our new car (which I paid half for), while I have to beg her ass to drive it! Ain't that some sh!t?! I'm sorry, but I think that is fucked up! I'm pissed. I can't tolerate her anymore. I've been putting up with her shit, pretty much all my life. I can't do it.

But, where am I going to go? I don't have much support in my family. I have outside friends who give a sh!t (that's why I don't associate with them like that.)

Fuck.
-A.P.